Lately....in my mind.....

Lately I have been thinking a lot about what is important in my life, how I can make it better and how to purge the things that pull me down.  It really came to the front of my mind after watching what an effect a pet has on your life.  This made me want to write and express my gratitude to my cat Marshmellow. 
That Friday in December I may not have exactly known what I was going to endure or what the outcome was but I had a significant support system around me.  One of which I didnt even acknowledge until today.  Sometimes it takes a weepy show on PBS for me to remember.
I got lucky after surgery and my mom allowed me to stay with her at her home.  All one level, hospital bed, raised toilet seat, shower chair.  All of this left over when my grandma and great grandma passed away.  The first night home was the most pain filled and sleepless.  I tried but I grunted and groaned and got through it.  The next day, with my moms permission, Hubby brought Mushy.  I was extatic to have something so familiar from my own home that I can love and hug and call him kitteh. 

During the next few days he would follow me from room to room, sit on my lap as well as jumping on my mom to show her it was ok to hug him too.  At night he would follow me to my room, jump on the bed, and just watch as I played on the computer or struggled with pain he was right by my side.  He probably kept my need for pain meds way down.   We snuggled on pillows and shared the same blankets and probably talked more than we should have.  He is a very good cat, an amazing listener.
I also know that at my house our cats recognize different emotions.  Gracie is our emotional cat.  She comes around when you are sad or lonely.  She needs a doctorate in psychology because she knows it.  Bill is just a cat who wants your attention.  He would prefer if there was no break it but if he could just sit on your belly and purr at you, he would be content.  Marshmellow knows when I am hurting physically.  I have had times where he will come for a visit and he will sit on the part of me that is hurting.  Marshmellow's physical intuition is amazing.   I know the dog people are gonna rant and rave about how their pet is better.  Well, your pet is good for you....my 3 cats are perfect for me. 

Mushy,
Thanks for the comfort, friendship and just warmth in general you gave me during my healing process....I dont think I could have healed as well as I did, going back to work when I did, without you,  Thank you for being such a wonderful purring companion.  We love you Mush.

At such peace.

Not sure what it is about spring weather but it puts me in such a great mood.  It isnt too warm where I am miserable, the windows are able to be open wide all day and the spring flowers are smelling great.  It is so peaceful.  Maybe it is the smell of the fresh lilacs that just relaxes my body and my mind.  The sun feels great on my skin.  *sigh*  Life is good.

Postcard Swaps!

Thanks to Naked Jen, I joined another postcard group.  This one is really great because you get 49 postcards throughout almost a year.  That is one for each state if you weren't paying attention.  This is my first one from the Great American Postcard Swap!  Amiee from Adventures and Pursuits is running the show....and it is a fun family friendly show!

Monday I got my first one from Alabama!  Thanks stranger from Alabama, I love this card...so pretty.

I am also on Postcrossing where I sent out 5 cards to random people around the world and I get postcards from random people from around the world.  I have received cards from Finland, Canada, and right here in the US!  I love mail, but this just takes it to the next level!  Click here to see what kind of activity is going on with my postcrossing account.  It has been so fun.  Let me know if you join and I can follow you too.  :-)

Milestone birthdays

30 years old. Isnt this supposed to be the year I have a mental breakdown about my age? Nah! Not me. I adore birthdays. My dad always told me that I could grow old, but I should never grow up. I feel like that means so much more to me now that my life has been given back to me from the reigns of chronic pain. 30 so far has been a great year....granted I am only a few days into it, but all I have done was celebrate.It all started with Friday night and taking Liz, Em, Elaina and Erin to Disney on Ice. I was surprised at the door by the girls wearing princess crowns that said happy birthday on them. That made me smile, but they had bigger surprises in store for me. They made me a crown and a t-shirt with their handprints on it. I almost cried. The girls love is so unconditional. We had a great time at Disney on Ice....seeing their faces was birthday enough for me.Saturday night was our party at our friend Travis' house. So many amazing friends were there. They all brought tasty food to share and lots of hugs as well. We laughed, talked and had a wonderful time. I have the greatest friends a girl could ask for.
Sunday I was able to see super awesome fabulous Niki. She was so nice to take me out to lunch at Olive Garden. We sat and talked and enjoyed a lovely lunch. I just love her guts! She is so genuine and caring....I dont know what I would do without her. We understand what each other is going through and a lot of times our situations are so parallel, its creepy. Niki and I not only share a last name, but our lives have traveled down the sames paths and we understand each other so well. (BTW, we are not related although it would be an honor.)\
So, that was my weekend. It was a blast and the partying isnt over yet. We get to now get together with my parents and siblings to celebrate more! If you dont enjoy birthdays, its time for an attitude change. Cake, friends and fun...thats what birthdays are all about.

I made it....

I made to 30! WOOT go me!!! I actually love love love birthdays...the decorations, the cakes and pies and all the attention. :-D Oh and I love the decorating of the desk at work! I am not sure why I love this part so much but I do...it is the cleaning up that I hate. Here is what they did to my desk this year:

And later Ashlie came along and made it worse!


And then....we had pie! Preacher pie, Blueberry pie and my favorite, banana cream pie!
Now I am super excited for the next couple of nights...Tonight it is Disney on Ice with my nieces and sister-in-law, Erin.
Tomorrow night is a party for me and hubby at our friends house. Should be awesome! I am excited. I love that me and hubby have birthdays 15 days apart.

I'm gonna get me a new career!

Sitting here quietly at work I decided I needed me a new job. I am gonna buy myself a new camera and take pictures of peoples pets. The only problem here is A: I dont know anything about photography and B: I dont own or know anything about cameras, specifically nice ones that take pretty pictures. I talked to my sis-in-laws friend, and he gave me some pretty good options. He's a professional you know. I think I am just scared of dumping $500 plus dollars into a hobby. *sigh* What to do, what to do.

Surrogate grandparents

In 8th grade, I met my bff that I would now have for life. His name is Mickel and he completed me in ways I didn't understand until life would take it away. This weekend, Mickel's grandpa passed away. Mickel gave me the chance to know this wonderful man who would let me call him grandpa because mine lived in Heber, and was very cranky at that. Jim and Audrey always welcomed me with open arms into their home and always treated me just like a grand-daughter. I would stay over there for hours on end, playing, chatting, goofing off and they didnt mind one bit. They would take me with them on "family" outings and allowed me to fit in a family unit. He was a very sweet man with a very sweet disposition. The thing I remember most about him, is his laugh. I don't remember a time when I was there and he didn't laugh. Their house was always warm and filled with love and acceptance. I will never forget the love they shared with me as my surrogate grandparents.

Pffffft on today

Yesterday...thanks you were awesome. Today? I dont think we are talking to each other anymore. I am annoyed at the smallest things, I cried at work and now I have to go get some stitches removed. I dont think we should talk anymore today. You smell bad and I am gonna go home and for get you. Oh and here is a disapproving bunny. Thank you cuteoverload.com :-)

Dear February 22nd, 2010.....

Dear today,
I just wanted to thank you for all I was given. A warm bed to which I woke up to a fabulous husband. A wonderful job who sometimes I bash unnecessarily. For a newly forming friendship at work....those are always a welcome thing. Thank you for the friends I have now and plan on entertaining again at lunch tomorrow. Thank you for the super friends that I had a great weekend with and cannot wait to hang out with again. Thank you for Chris' amazing sister Erin, for providing us with nutritious things to eat instead of going out all the time. Thank you for making it 4 o'clock so I could run out of the building to meet my sweetheart. I dont think I can thank you for the tooth pain...sorry. Thank you for proving me with a home, with a garage for our cute car, and kitties to greet me as I come in. Thank also for letting us be able to afford nice new toys. Chris loves his new phone. Today, I am very thankful for you and I am excited for what tomorrow has in store.

Thanks,
ME!

P.S. I am not thanking you for the banana song. But thanks for the cute hubby who sings it with me.

Grrr....stuck in my head again!

I know a lot of people who have had this problem lately. Something gets stuck in your head and there is no way to get it out. My wonderful, super cute, handsome husband likes to get random things stuck in my head just to be annoying. Here is the latest one. Click it...I dare you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH5ay10RTGY

I am not completely sure if this is because it is so far stuck in his head, that he needs someone else to feel his pain or if he just likes to annoy me. :-) Its ok, I can take it. Especially if it means in the car I am eating a banana and we both break out into..."I'm a banana, I'm a banana, I'm a banana...LOOK AT ME MOVE."
8 years of marriage will do that to you. You talk at the same time, you move at the same time, and pick up his habits. Who knew that marriage could make you not want to sit with your back to the door. Instead of getting it from your family....I got it from my husband. I love that we are so much a like though. What would I do without him? *grin*

Being crafty with naughty words

I hope my friend doesnt see this before she gets her gift in the mail...but I had to share my craftiness with the world. I had to cross stitch 2 of these for a couple of deserving people. My friend at work recently lost her mom to pancreatic cancer...so in my head she and her sister deserved this little cross stitch gem. I also found out about my friend across the country who had cancer. It is in her jaw and face and she is now undergoing treatment and from what I can tell, doing well. The ironic thing was her husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor not 6 months before. How is it in one couples life cancer decides to reek havoc on them both. Life baffles me sometimes. So my little sign is dedicated to all these people. I wish them no more pain and most of all no more cancer.
Thank you to Subversive Cross Stitch for teaching me how to cross stitch bad words. Its oddly satisfying. If you are interested, here is her website where she sells kits. http://subversivecrossstitch.com/

The greatest man that ever lived......

I know many people would say that Ghandi is a great man, or an ex president is a great man, or maybe some other male role model in your life. Mine...is this guy right here. He has been by my side for 8 years. Somedays it seems like moments in time, and others 8 years feels like an infinity.
Chris has put up with a lot from me. 5 years of unexplained pain, crying, not being able to tell what is wrong with me, somedays a psycho biotch. But he never left my side. He is a big supporter of anything that will make me feel better. He stayed with me a lot of the time in the hospital and cheered me on. He played with my hair and just read me facebook messages to keep me calm and entertained while laying flat on my back for 3 days. He is so supportive and wonderful there are no words for a spouse that sticks by you through so much illness and depression.
Our marriage has never been stronger and more loving than it is today. Exactly 2 months from tomorrow, I had my new soul without pain and suffering put in. We communicate much better and are understanding each other better and better every day.

I just wanted my hubby Chris to know what a great man he is. He is loving, kind, compassionate and most of all the best husband and best friend I could ask for.

I love you Chris. Forever.

I love my scar...part 3

Tuesday became my favorite day! I made sure I had my pain meds because there was a lot to be done. After sitting up, the doctors decided the catheter could come out. After that I was to have a shower! Woohoo for not being gross anymore. I never understood the awesomeness of a shower chair until this moment. I sat and got all of the yucky-ness out from the past 4 days. It was the best shower of my life! I got dried off and put on real clothes instead of a gown. My mom brought me the comfiest night gown. It was nice on my stitches and warm at that. I think I stayed in long nightgowns for the next 2 weeks. Tuesday also brought the slowest walk down the hall ever known to man....but I was walking! I think Tuesday was also the day my in-laws came to visit me but I was so tired they had to visit with my mom.
Wednesday I went home with my mom to her house. I tell you, surgery brings out the slow and painful because that was the longest and most painful car ride of my life. No matter how many drugs I was on, it hurt. I fell asleep right as we got in the door. Being at mom's house was nice. The bathroom wasnt far away, it was all on one level and if I needed anything, my mom was right there. I ended up staying at her house from December 23rd to December 31. I was supposed to go home earlier but Chris caught himself a man cold and wouldnt let me see him. Chris also brought my favorite cat, Marshmellow to stay with me and mom. When Mushy came, I was no longer home sick. During those 7 days at moms house were ok. I started walking laps around her house and outside to build strength and stamina. I was doing well...or so I thought.
Sunday my wound started to leak. From a small leak, to about a foot across. This scared the heck out of me. I ended up having my mom take me to the ER to get it checked out. They put 5 more stitches in the top of my wound because I had torn it open. This didnt help much. I still was leaking through bandages, clothing and on my bed. Chris ended up being the best murse (male nurse) you could ever ask for and everyday, sometimes twice, he would check it and rebandage it. He was so gentle.
I did make it out of the house for Christmas. I got to go see my neices and in-laws before they left. It was nice to get out of the house. I also, made an hour appearance at my friends New Years party. We were back home and in bed by 11pm. I was a sad date for New Years.
But New Year, brought a new Angie!!! I was back to work on January 4th. The doctor said this was manditory. She gave me a pep talk after I told her I didnt want to go to work yet...I wasnt ready. Dr. Bisson was the only one I would listen to. After we talked, I was released to work and back I went. I have been going strong since then. When I saw her again for my month follow up, I let her know that I would have never gone back to work if anyone else told me. She gave me the tough love I needed to keep going and start getting back to "normal". I thanked her and I will see her again in April for the monitoring of the tumors. I guess we will see where that adventure takes me. Until then, I am swimming, walking and doing things I thought I would never do again. I am so happy with the physical AND mental results. That scar represents so many things to me and new life is one of them. That scar helped my marriage, my outlook on life, and how it is to be a normal part of society again. My scar gave me hope....and it continues today.

So watch out people....some of you haven't met the real Angie...but she is coming to a town near you!

Scars continued.....

Finally I arrive in my room, after asking for my husband about 20 times in the recovery room. I was so happy to see Chris and my mom. I felt like I had just gone to sleep and now it is 7 hours later. I let the nurse know that I was hungry and they were nice enough to round up 2 dishes of mac n' cheese. Hubby fed me since I had to stay flat on my back for 3 more days. (they wanted my spine to stay flat with my head in case I developed a spinal fluid leak...I could be on my side but no sitting up.) I dont remember sleeping much but I really dont remember a lot of that night. Saturday my mom brought Jamba Juice after nutrition services had brought me a disappointing eggs, hasbrowns and toast combo. Try eating that while laying flat. LOL! After that breakfast the cafeteria people helped me find things that were more feasible to eat without much help. I ended up eating things like quesadillas, more mac n' cheese, and lots of PB & J. In the middle of the night, when no one was around, I would ask for peanut butter sandwiches. For the 4 nights I was there I probably ate 2-4 per night along with a carton of milk.
Saturday was my favorite day. I told Chris to go to a party that had been planned for a while now. He needed to go relax and hang out with friends. Around 11pm I called him and ended up talking with just about everyone at the party. It made me feel so loved.....jealous of their drunken-ness....but loved none the less. On top of that, Chris brought a card to the party that everyone signed.
Sunday was an awful day. I started the day by throwing up all in my hair and the side of my neck. I didnt get the hang of where to aim until the 2nd time. I dont know what made me so sick, but all of Sunday I was miserable. I was hot in the face but cold on my body. I had a headache and on top of that I couldnt keep any of my pain meds down. I felt bad for the poor guy who had to come clean me up after I puked. He was so nice and had this stuff to wash my hair without water. Chris ended up staying the night on the fold out couch because he worried about me.
Monday brought a new day and feeling sooo much better! Monday evening I started to sit up...30 degrees for 3 hours at a time. Tuesday was even better!!! I was sitting up eating tasty food. The doctor came in said I could get out of bed, get the catheter out and take a shower. All of that turned out to be awesome, yet tiring and painful at the same time.
Yet again....to be continued.

I believe scars tell stories....

Well, this is the result of back surgery. You may just see a scar but I see change. I love this scar because it means an end to a long war with my body. I ended up going in to surgery about 2 weeks early so that is why I am feeling so great now. I wanted to make sure I told my story.
About 14 months ago I was diagnosed with a mild form of Spina Bifida that is known as a tethered cord. (Google for further explination of it.) After finally knowing what was happening to my body, I didnt know where to go. In August, it let me know it was time. I was losing control of my bladder and if I waited much longer than I did, the results could have been permanent and other things could have been "lost" as well. I was going back to consult the neurosurgeon who helped me find the real problem only to find out that he was on medical leave. This unfortunate event led me to Dr. Erica Bisson. She made time for me to discuss what surgery meant for me, downtime, and all that other jazz. She was so caring and her bedside manner was absolutely amazing. At this appointment we decided on January 4th. Fast forward to December. Things start to get significantly worse. I see Dr. Bisson for pre-op and I had an MRI that day to show her what she was doing, and where she was going for surgery. On the MRI they found 3 tumors on my spinal nerves. I ended up having 2 more MRIs that day alone. It was decided that day, that we would do surgery the next day.
We went to the hospital, and never once was I scared, nervous or anxious about this. I was wheeled back at 1pm and remember talking to the anesthisologist about getting "The Michael Jackson" special. The next thing I remember was waking up and they were asking to rate my pain. They helped me get it under control and gave me some ice to eat. I got to my room about 7pm.
To be continued.....