Dear friend.....I let your paw go.

I first have to say I know that I have not been blogging. There has been much to say but no desire to share if that is understandable. Right now I have the need to type, cry, wipe my nose on my shirt and get it all out so the few friends I talk to most dont have to hear about it 17 gabillion more times.

Inka left this world to be in a better one on 11/24/09 around 6:30pm. It was our choice to let the suffering end due to the fact the Dr. Maloof told us she had an enlarged heart with fluid around it and her lungs. We couldn't allow her to suffer anymore. Hubby and I saw that she was breathing quite heavily the night before and knew something was not right. We could also see she had lost a lot of weight by the way she was breathing. The doctor said she had lost 2 pounds of an already small 8 pound body. Before making the final decision, we petted, loved and visited with her for 2 hours and we finally decided to let her go that night and we would bring her home to bury in the back yard. Chris left and I stayed behind to say some final goodbyes. Dr. Maloof came in to give her a shot to relax her and make Inka not remember any of it. Within 30 seconds she was laying on the table. I picked her up in the blanket she had been laying on and rocked her. I just told her I loved her and that I was gonna get my chance to hold her before she went whether she liked it or not. I told her Chris loved her very much and that she was a good cat. I couldnt forget that Mushy loves her and will be so very lost with out her. I held her until her body was so limp I knew her spirt had moved on. I layed her shell back onto the table and stroked her coat which had amazingly become soft again. Soft like it was days before she got sick. Shiny and soft. Then she started to gasp for air and the breaths were further and further apart. I knew at this time we had done the right thing. I brought Dr. Maloof back and told her "I think she is suffering.....she is gasping for her last breaths. It is time to let her go." I said some fast "Goodbyes", "You are a good kitty", and "You know we love you soooo much". I stepped out for the administration of the second drug and waited in the lobby. It was so surreal to sit in a lobby of a vet clinic where you know you are supposed to "Ooooh" and "Aaaahhh" over whatever comes in the door. No, you are sitting there waiting with an empty pet carrier. Dr. Maloof brough out a box, which I never opened, and I said a teary "Thank you" as she touched my shoulder. I put Inka in the cargo area and gently asked her not to move around too much. When I got home, I didnt really know what to do with her. Hubby was still at the pharmacy picking up my medicine for the swine flu. We were going to dig this hole together. I sat inside and waited. As I do most things, I posted my personal tragedy on Facebook. Hubby came home and actually did the same. We were supposed to be eating our nutritious and delicious Wendy's dinner.....right. Luckily through the "news travels fast" ways of facebook, a friend contacted Chris and let him know that his MIL works at a vet clinic and they could help us out. We both knew that having Inka in the backyard didnt appease us much. Wednesday morning, sickness and all, we packed up and took our special box down. They took good care of her for $30 and for an extra few they are putting her paw print in a metal cast. It will be on a plaque with a picture frame and her name. Finally, we are getting some closure....the sobs are simmering down to a minimum, and I can just lay down and have the H1N1 flu.....
Until today. We dont get the mail much. Me and hubby LOVE LOVE LOVE mail, but we just dont get down to our stupid lock and key, community mail box. We haul in the pile of mail today and I begin the tedious task of sorting. Chris is elsewhere. Bill, bill, recycle, want money, recycle, bill....Christmas card already??? To the Brooks Family???? *open open open* Kitty on the front! This is what was inside.....

Kind words from the wonderful Dr. Maloof.



And they remembered I forgot Inka's paw prints we tried to take right before she died. The office stuck them in the card. This induced uncontrollable sobbing as well as running up the stairs saying, "Stupid mail, we shouldnt have got the stupid mail." I have been crying ever since. I didnt think I (or Chris for that matter) would be as broken up as we are about a cat we rescued from my moms house 3 or 4 years ago. She was, what we thought, just our Pretty Inka McStinka who we had to keep the toilet lids down for because she loved to play in them. Or that silly cat who loved to steal french fries. Or the goof ball who would jump and jump and jump to be petted, but would never be held.....but I held you Inka. You know what pretty kitty....you liked it.


And so did I.